We need to talk about Taylor Swift (2024)

From the world of Taylor Swift, cruel summer news comes.

Even the US Securities & Exchange Commission – the supposedly no-nonsense Wall Street regulator – is jamming her name into places it doesn’t belong in the hope of air time.

You belong with me, SEC chair Gary Gensler almost says, as if people like him aren’t the ultimate anti-hero for Swifties. He’s even less gorgeous than Dad.

Swift is such a phenomena one can understand the temptation.

And yes, the person who spots the most Taylor Swift references in today’s newsletter does get a prize – two free tickets to her next Wembley Stadium gig.**

Most Taylor Swift press releases are harmless, they fill a blank space with no bad blood but not much style.

As if the tortured poet writer were saying to Swift, look what you made me do?

I reckon I get roughly 22 Swifty press releases a day, all of which got approved at quite a high level within big organisations.

A sample from today:

Taylor Swift sells a lot of merchandise says merchandise seller.

Taylor Swift is one of the most searched for terms in history, says search engine.

Taylor Swift is worth umpty-gazillion to the global economy, says credit card company.

You need to calm down with this stuff.

The release from the SEC takes us into new territory as Gensler discusses what can only be called champagne problems.

Dear Reader, he doesn’t quite begin: “How did Taylor Swift break all-time records with the Eras Tour? Well, beyond her remarkable talent, there’s also a lot of value in sharing one’s story. And here at the SEC there’s also lots of talent and history. So, as we celebratethe SEC’s 90^thanniversary, let’s take an “eras tour” of our own.”

What’s going on here? Has the SEC had an epiphany and decided it needs the approval of 12-year old girls?

Trust me Gary, you’re on your own kid.

In any case, this is not what the SEC is for. It is supposed to say I knew you were trouble to dodgy bankers, ideally before they did something bad.

When it comes to Wall Street fraud, it is tempting to say that there is no point Gensler coming over all innocent. He’s the problem, it’s him.

Instead, he runs through a fairytale list of the SEC’s greatest hits.

He stares at the sun, but never in the mirror.

Is this the start of a regulatory trend? Are the masterminds at the FCA working on something similar?

Moreover, presented with this speech, Gensler should’ve said no, that’s so high school. And I’m supposed to be superman.

Instead, he risks looking like the smallest man who ever lived.

For the rest of you, tell me why you do this stuff?

We tolerate it, but it is still untouchable. Frankly, you’re losing me.

** Sadly, no.

Business rates “desperately need” a rethink to save pubs, says this from CAMRA.

The pubs group has come out in support of Lib Dem plans to replace business rates with a “more proportionate” system.

Online firms should pay their own fair shares, it points out.